Bar-Room Blitz

Much excitement down Corrie as Keith Duffy looks set to quit the Rovers and open an Irish-themed pub with wealthy granny Penny. Hopefully this will provide Fred and Shelley with a much-needed excuse to revamp the ageing pub, perhaps in a Making Mansions kind of way. But how long till Penny ditches Mike Baldwin for Oirish toyboy totty Ciaran?

Mmmmm... Cilla

The sooner mean-faced Cilla (best description: Jimmy Krankie in drag) marries Les and becomes a fully-fledged resident of Coronation Street, the better. By managing the impossible and making Les's ex Janice seem like a rather nice human being, Cilla has proved herself to be the best person to shake up the Street. Which whining Weather wrench do we want to see her feud with next? Either Sally Webster or Liz MacDonald...

Last Night's TV Highlight

Corrie Casualties

The investment Corrie producers put into building a hospital set in more than paying off now. In fact, why are they opening a second pub for Keith Duffy to run, they could simply install him in the hospital canteen? Not only do half (slight exaggeration) the cast work there, and half spend their time visiting, a third half are soon to be admitted as Corrie is taken over by life-threatening disease. Dev's got cancer, Sunita a tumour, and Martin looks set to overdose after his school-girl lover leaves him. But as Martin's the only trained medical prefessional in town, who's going to restore him to health?

The Bill: Stunt Casting at it's Finest

Lynda Bellingham! As the mad matriach of a family of crims! The Bill is truly the leader in casting the stars we want in the roles we want, though Holby (who pioneered this dizzying craze) is a close second. The next actor we want to see return to primetime fame? It's got to be 'Allo 'Allo's Yvette – Vicky Michelle. She'd be great as Kat Slater's long-lost mum, or a glamorous love rival for Charity Dingle-Tate-King. Someone sort it.

A June Wedding

At last June and Jim are getting wed in The Bill. Of course, a happy ending is far from likely in the increasingly bonkers police soap - but at least June's stopped sleeping with her non-son, and Jim's ditched his hubbie-battering spouse. The Carvers could become The Bill's very own Harold and Madge, with Tony Stamp as love rival Lou Carpenter, Gina Gold as staunch, authoritarian aggrovater Dorothy Burke. It's only a matter of time...

Helter Skleter Belter

Having just seen some snaps of EastEnders forthcoming fairground carnage spectacular, we've decided we're going to have to tune in for at least a few episodes of Britain's Worst Soap. Not onlt does the Helter Skelter of Doom resemble some sort of Dr Who baddie, but it's done us the favour of collapsing on top of the Car Lot. And if we never have to endure a plot centred around used cars ever again, we'll be extremely happy.

I really feel I should be watching...

...Hell's Kitchen. Especially as Amanda Barrie proved as mad as a ladder - he punch up with Ramsey proving there is life in the celebrity reality show yet. I'm just hoping that there's going to a US version in which American stars are given a chance to work in Martika's Kitchen. Come on and get some, as she kind of said.

It's an, er, cliffhanger

Last night's conluding episode of ER rolled out with more cliffhangers than a typical Shortland Street Christmas climax. Neela and Sam both seemed to be taking a hike out of Country General, though as they're both new this year, it seems unlikely either have managed to get out of their five-year contracts. My real concern is for Chen, who's only storyline this year has seen her nursing her sick, strict dad who was forced to come to Chicago as there were no hosiptals near his village in China. Now, following a road-rage shooting and drive-off, Chen, Pratt and some extra were last seen careening towards the camera before a quick fade to black. Seeing as how Pratt commands a third place in the credits, if anyone's going to croak it must be Chen. And who will care? Bring back Leslie Bibb as Blonde Doctor Number Seven, that's what I say. Kind of.

I'm Not Watching Big Brother, but...

...when is all this alleged tension and hatred going to break out? No one except the voice of Big Brother is at all annoyed by Kitten's teenage rebellions, and the alleged evil homophobe is carve the word queer into scream queen Marco's bare flesh. On the hot totty front, Marco does have a suprisingly masculine chest, though Stuart's overly personal-trainered pecs and bum are the only thing currently worth tuning in for.

Right back where we started...

Another season of Cutting It concludes, and again we end up on that rather night bridge somewhere near Weatehrfield Quays. This time it was Finn's turn to have a good cry before heading to the airport and out of the lives of the Henshall-Faradays, at least until this time next year. And what with Ruby realising her mum's ex-husband is not the man for her, the path is clear for an Allie and Gavin reunion. Which is all we ever wanted anyway, isn't it? Hopefully there's a fourth series in the pipeline, though can there really be any more fashion awards in the north east of England that the crimpers haven't won??!