What a Difference a Year Makes

Spurred on by the sheer dross on TV over the festive period, the House Party is reopening its doors to report on the highs and (mainly) lows of telly land. Times have changed - our TV hero Noel Edmonds has almost returned to his national institution status thanks to the superb Deal or No Deal, and we're now going to have to survive without the good-again-bad-again insanity that was Family Affairs - but some things never change. Namely Home and Away is as demented as ever and Neighbours looks set to follow suit with plane crashes, fake gays and Harold Bishop going psycho.

So for now, we're going to sit back and watch one of the Britain's worst actors getting his just deserts in the still-not-any-good EastEnders and ponder our next move. Perhaps a full-on analysis of that curious climax in Charnham...

Bacteria! Update

Not only has Sam gone a bit bonkers and kidnap back her kidnapped daughter from that Nice Man Off Casualty, but the Bill treated us to an armed siege in a hospital last week. Although the dreadful, homophobic with a heart PC Valentine survived the ordeal, it gave my possible New Favourite Character a chance to shine. DC Jo Masters is going to be trouble, and if you were to give her a walking stick and a dodgy limp, she'd be almost exactly the same character as Kerry Weaver in ER. Which is a good thing. She's out to upset Meadows and Manson, and she seems to be getting rather friendly with Sam - which is a Bad Thing, as Sam belongs with Phil. But this being, the increasingly gay Bill, who can tell? Anyway, I know she's been an extra on Little Britain, but I'm sure the actress who plays Jo has been a baddie in something before which I just can't recall. Time to IMDB her...

And the point of this post? Yep, bacteria girl Cordelia Bugeja was playing the girlfriend of the demented hostage tacker. I knew there was a reason I labelled with post thus.

Let the Knots Landing Revival Begin!

Right, so we've already got Paige Matheseon starring in Desperate Housewives, and evil Danny played evil Gregory in Sunset Beach. But what could the producers of 24 do to make the spy series more Seaview Circle friendly (and thus, gayer). Yep, slam power-crazed, sexy crinkly William Devane into the mix. The artist formerly known as Greg Sumner is playing Jack's new boss, and hopefully he'll last the full 24 hours. If we're really lucky, he may even invite Kiefer for a game of strip polo, as Greg and Paige used to play in the back garden... Though probably not. All we need now are major new roles for Joan van Ark (Val "I've been married to everyone" Ewing) and Michelle Philips (superminx mum Anne Matheson), and the world will be a much better place.

In other 24 news, Michelle and Tony are returning! Now divorced (Tony being tried for treason is perhaps not the most attractive quality), the couple will be returning seperately, but hopefully they'll be united. Especially since Reiko Aylesworth's role as Greg's replacement in the new series of CSI proves somewhat brief.

Desperate Housewives: Pros and Cons

I'm committing a blasphemy here, I know, but I really am in two minds about Desperate Housewives. Admittedly, nothing could really match up to the amount of hype it's received, but despite many brilliant moments, it didn't really add up to much. It's a cross between Knot's Landing and Six Feet Under, which should be ideal, though there's just a lack of plot at present. If the producers can crank up the melodrama, keep the comedy and just give it a slightly more sinister edge, it would be fantastic. In an effort to collect my thoughts on the subject, I've decided to list the pros and cons...

Pros:
-Superb off-kilter, Lynchian view of suburbia, beautifully visualised with day-glo colours at odds with the suicidal subject matter
-Nicollette Sheridan - Knot's Landing's brilliant Paige - finally returns to TV, and looks like she's appeared on Extreme Makeover
-Ditto Terri Hatcher - she's great at the comedy, though she is looking frightening like Michael Jackson
-The opening suicide and subsequent pool dig - could be something good coming up, if only they'd speed up the plot
-Great dialogue, good casting, nosey neighbours and hunky gardeners

Cons:
-The voiceover: lose it. It somehow works on Arrested Development, but it's not needed here, especially with actresses who can portray real emotions which don't need to be explained to viewers
-Woman with too many kids: you are boring and we don't care about you
-Control-freak, Miranda rip-off: you're also dull, please go mad soon
-The plot is moving at a turtle speed: we need more plot
-The opening credits are rubbish

To conclude, there is no evident conclusion just yet. So keep watching.