Political, contentious and thoroughly mind-boggling

Battlestar's back and despite some of the most unsubtle slicing together of two episodes to make one by Sky, it's more marvelous than ever.

Blasting off with some of the best special effects I've seen on TV (when is HD content going to become affordable to anyone who doesn't get a free Sky subscription?), it soon became more political, contentious and thoroughly mind-boggling than you could imagine.

Reading the series as pure sci-fi, the scenario is tense, relentless and occasionally very funny. Will the the fleet find Earth? What's up with Starbuck? How come slimey Baltar such a chick-magnet? And frack, those Cylon Centurions are looking absolutely amazing.

But it's almost impossible not to view Battlestar as a political allegory, mirroring exactly what's going on here on Earth today in a minute microcosm of two warring tribes in space.

And you only have to flick onto News 24 to see where the producers get their ideas from. Sleeper agents walking among us, ready to spring into action at the flick of aswitch. President Roslin's increasing reliance on religion, justifying her erratic decision on the gods. The Cylons' belief that their race is superior and that god supports their quest to wipe out humankind (and their religion). And now there's even more to watch out for - notably Baltar unintentionally becoming the figure head of a bizarre religious cult, and Number Six taking violent action to fight what she perceives to be the good fight.

The latter is perhaps the most intriguing new plot strand and Tricia Helfer really is amazing as all the Sixes - the Cylon model most sympathetic to coexisting with the humans. When the series sadly comes to an end next year, I can see Six and Baltar becoming the parents of a new civilisation on Earth. And the division in the Cylon ranks is brilliant to watch - I'm just waiting for Lucy Lawless Cylon to be brought out of her box.

But then again, Ron Moore is being suitably vague about how Battlestar's likely to conclude. It's probably not going to be pretty and could be something off the wall. How about the fleet arriving on Earth to find it populated by only the final unknown Cylon model...?

Is it just me...

...or does on-the-edge Apprentice candidate Simon Smith remind anyone else of Michael off I'm Alan Partridge, with his army recollections and inability to fully explain himself? A star is born.

CSI: Acting Masterclass

If anyone's going to take on David Caruso in the "awkward pauses, staccato speech" stakes, then it's Saved By the Bell's Elizabeth Berkley. They've just faced off on CSI: Miami - and I'm not sure who came out the victor...

ITV Don't Want You To See This

And that's a shame as it's the best three minutes of the entire first series of Pushing Daisies, ITV's brilliant new acquisition that they've already lost faith in. The flagging channel reckons episode two is too weird and will put viewers off, but if they're concerned about a plot about crash test dummies and the search for a biofuel, then they're in for a shock with the rest of the series. ITV have since backpaddled and claim the only reason they've dropped this episode is because they've only time to show eight episodes, but this is nonsense - there's supposed to 20-odd episodes, only reduced because of the writers' strike. What were ITV planning to do with the rest if they've only ever had time for eight?

Anyway, hopefully a broadcaster with an ounce of integrity will pick up the second series. And in the meantime, enjoy with fine bit of Olive - the show's real star.

Some sort of Mulder and Scully antagonistic, yet mutually dependent relationship

There is clearly something wrong with my usually cold, cynical heart as I found myself enjoying the Doctor Who season four opener more than I was expecting. Perhaps I’ve just finally realised that it is a children’s programme (instead of the sassy UK Buffy I crave), or maybe I just needed cheering after the slaughter-fest of last night’s Torchwood denouement (in which almost half the cast were killed off).

The former explanation is definitely true – Partners in Crime was nothing more than a top-flight CBBC fantasy romp (like Russell T Davies’ Dark Season, which was more than partially responsible for making me fall in love with TV as a kid). And if you’re not expecting dark undercurrents and political allegory, this slice of sci-fi was spot on.

And what about bunging Catherine Tate into the Tardis on regular basis? Actually it could well work. Tate’s Donna was far less annoying than in her Runaway Bride debut, though there will always be the problem that after becoming so many well drawn caricatures on her sketch show, Tate will always seem like she’s playing an over-the-top character. However, after having two young assistants possessing barely concealed crushes on the Doc, Donna should mix things up a little – and I’m hoping some sort of Mulder and Scully antagonistic, yet mutually dependent relationship will develop.

So all in all, good stuff, especially for what was essentially a cheap episode with the really money going on the likes of next week’s Pompeii episode the return of an all-time classic big bad (that I’m really quite excited about) at the season. And how nice of Billie to pop up too – what was that about, then?

Humour in the bleakest situations

What is it with teenagers today? Is life really that bleak during adolescence? Well, yes, of course it is. But don’t worry too much as the twenties are great – enjoy that decade before you get crushed by mortgages and parasitic employers...

Anyway, the reason I ask is because British teen drama is more depressing than ever. And when I say more depressing, what I really mean is more brilliantly written, acted and addictive. Not only has Hollyoaks dug itself out of the Redmond-induced, tits’n’ass quagmire to become the only soap with any structure or storylines, but Bristol-based Skins is not only the best UK drama on any terrestrial channel at the moment, it’s also the darkest.

Despite being promoted as teenage romp about drugs, sex and parties, Skins is more tender, thought-provoking and yet funny than the likes of Shameless, Mistresses and Honest. Sketch’s disabled mum, Sid’s bullied dad, Tony’s rehabilitation after getting smashed by a truck, Jal’s pregnancy, Chris’s devastating illness. All hugely depressing, but all treated with a light touch as the assorted teens struggle to get on with their lives. Just like real life, you have to find humour in the bleakest situations.

One or two elements have become too dark – Cassie’s transformation from anorexic air-head to cynical, serial-shagging realist has been hard to take – but there’s always some humour to lighten the doom. Effie’s episode was great fun and I hope she and her barking mad new pal Pandora will show up in the next series, seeing as how the producers have decided to write out the main cast as they’re now too old…

The final two episodes promise to be darker than ever as something terrible hits the teens, and I just hope that the high quality continues with the new set of characters next year.