It’s been almost 24 hours since I watched the Lost season finale (three times, thanks to Sky Multi-start) and I still can’t decide whether it’s genius or just half-hearted. Here’s what’s going through my head just now…
- Too many Other deaths. Sawyer was right to remind us that Comedy Tom was actually a pretty nasty child-snatcher, but with so much yet to learn about the Others, is it wise to kill them all off? I wouldn’t be surprised if Patchy lives to see another day, but what about the Hot Lesbian Others down the Looking Glass?
- So, Charlie smashes Ben’s block on radio waves going on and off the island. And what’s the first thing to appear on TV? Penny Widmore claiming she hasn’t got a boat just off shore. So, Penny’s just sat in front of a webcam all day in Widmore Acres in case any signal anywhere in the world becomes unblocked? Come on. What with her plummy accent and lovely hair, it seems unlikely she’s going to sit in her wainscoted study for the rest of her life just in case Desmondo calls.
- And if Penny doesn’t have a ship, why did Naomi have a picture of her and Desmond?
- And what the hell was Walt doing with Locke? Is this another example of Walt appearing somewhere he wasn’t supposed to? We’ll probably never know what that means since they stupidly killed Miss Klu. And why is he doing the Island’s dirty work? And why had Locke’s legs stopped working while down in the mass grave?
- How was Locke able to kill Naomi when we’d already ascertained he is Not A Killer? And more bizarrely, how could he resist shooting Jack?
- Is Ben really the good guy? I’m hoping he is.
- Rousseau and Alex were finally reunited – though we’ll probably have to wait for Danielle’s flashback before we discover whether she was really stolen by Ben or if he is somehow the girl’s real father too. If Rousseau turns out to be a sleeper Other, I shall be very, very disappointed.
- Admittedly, I’ve hated Charlie for some time and he is responsible for some of the worst flashbacks of all time. But his death seems a bit of a waste – there’s hardly anyone worth caring about left on the island, so to write out another major character seems a bit dumb. Especially if you’ve got three more years left to fill with pointless flashbacks.
- And the final, killer twist. That the double-bill’s flashback featuring a pill-popping Jack closely resembling a Teletubby on Prozac acting like a complete lunatic was in fact not a flashback but a flash forward. Possibly. The insinuation is that Jack making that satellite phone call is going to be the biggest mistake of his life. But is it that simple? Could it be that Jack and co have all been on the island before and this flashback somehow occurred just before the series began and they’re reliving what’s happened before – hence Desmond’s flashes? Or could it mean that forthcoming series might take place off the island with the survivors trying to get back to their real lives but haunted by some sort of shared pain – ie will the producers rip off Heroes?
Oh well, only time will tell. I’ll be pretty annoyed if this whole escaping the island being a mistake thing is the main plot next season as there are still far too many unanswered questions about the island, the Others, Dharma, Hanso, etc. A few answers last night would probably have given me the energy to commit to the next series, as it is I’ll just have to wait and see how I feel when it finally arrives.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
At Last!
It’s been a long time coming, but we finally had some good stuff in 24 this week. Best scene of season six has to be Jack, Morris and Nadia fighting back against the terrorists who’d invaded CTU. Admittedly, lardy Morris’s attempts were a tad comical, but Nadia should have been sent off on field duty along time ago with her Charlie’s Angels-working-in-a-posh-building-society routine. And we also had some fun when dopey White House aide clobbered the spy who shagged her with both a bottle of cheap wine and a light fitting. Excellent.
One of many problems with this series has been that Jack’s the only one allowed to do any fighting or rescuing. Sure, peroxide field agent Ricky Schroder gets to a bit of shooting, but CTU is a rather useless department when the only member able to do anything was actually declared dead two years ago. Big changes are needed next series and one of the first has to be to team Jack up with a high-kicking female counterpart.
Actually, marry Jack to his sister-in-law-off-Melrose-Place and have them off battling terrorists all over the world in a variety of disguises. It might sound a lot like Alias, but that would be the perfect antidote to this humour-free sixth season.
One of many problems with this series has been that Jack’s the only one allowed to do any fighting or rescuing. Sure, peroxide field agent Ricky Schroder gets to a bit of shooting, but CTU is a rather useless department when the only member able to do anything was actually declared dead two years ago. Big changes are needed next series and one of the first has to be to team Jack up with a high-kicking female counterpart.
Actually, marry Jack to his sister-in-law-off-Melrose-Place and have them off battling terrorists all over the world in a variety of disguises. It might sound a lot like Alias, but that would be the perfect antidote to this humour-free sixth season.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Pana-stinking-rama
How dumb is the newly dumbed down Panaroma? The answer is very.
Last week we endured a totally one-sided polemic against scientology, which was hugely disappointing as it would be fascinating to know exactly what’s going on there. But there was little chance of that with egocentric reporter John Sweeney putting himself at the centre of the film, choosing to focus on the group’s rather creepy reaction to his digs at their belief system. All he had to do was not use the term cult in their presence and the viewers could have been treated to a revealing insight into why loads of Hollywood stars have become members of the ‘religion’. Admittedly, the scientologist’s hounding of Sweeney was scarily intriguing, but if we could have found something out about scientology along the way, that would have been nice.
And now last night, we were treated to a Brass Eye inspired rant against wi-fi. Again, there was no effort made to offer a balanced argument, just one journalist trying to get a step up the career ladder by scaremongering on the subject of wireless networks. Yes, we don’t know what dangers are posed by the wi-fi traffic all around use but neither, it seems, did Panorama. Instead we had people wandering around Norwich looking at some sort of comedy Geiger counter, squealing “it’s gone red” every now and gain, plus such Chris Morris-isms as “children’s thin skulls are more susceptible to radiation”. In fact, I almost expected someone from The Day Today to jump into camera during Panorama’s visit to woman who two-thirds of the time can tell when a radio wave is being transmitted near her – especially when she led us to her bedroom which she has shielded totally with Bacofoil.
So Panorama has now stolen Tonight with Trevor MacDonald’s mantle of TV’s most downmarket scandal-raking, scare-mongering, agenda-not-setting documentary series. Everyone involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.
Last week we endured a totally one-sided polemic against scientology, which was hugely disappointing as it would be fascinating to know exactly what’s going on there. But there was little chance of that with egocentric reporter John Sweeney putting himself at the centre of the film, choosing to focus on the group’s rather creepy reaction to his digs at their belief system. All he had to do was not use the term cult in their presence and the viewers could have been treated to a revealing insight into why loads of Hollywood stars have become members of the ‘religion’. Admittedly, the scientologist’s hounding of Sweeney was scarily intriguing, but if we could have found something out about scientology along the way, that would have been nice.
And now last night, we were treated to a Brass Eye inspired rant against wi-fi. Again, there was no effort made to offer a balanced argument, just one journalist trying to get a step up the career ladder by scaremongering on the subject of wireless networks. Yes, we don’t know what dangers are posed by the wi-fi traffic all around use but neither, it seems, did Panorama. Instead we had people wandering around Norwich looking at some sort of comedy Geiger counter, squealing “it’s gone red” every now and gain, plus such Chris Morris-isms as “children’s thin skulls are more susceptible to radiation”. In fact, I almost expected someone from The Day Today to jump into camera during Panorama’s visit to woman who two-thirds of the time can tell when a radio wave is being transmitted near her – especially when she led us to her bedroom which she has shielded totally with Bacofoil.
So Panorama has now stolen Tonight with Trevor MacDonald’s mantle of TV’s most downmarket scandal-raking, scare-mongering, agenda-not-setting documentary series. Everyone involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Got the Holby Blues
The first rule of Casualty spin-offs is that every series has to be more erratically directed and ultra-realistically filmed than the last. And with that in mind, we enter the world of HolbyBlue – Britain’s most atmospherically lit police station with more jump-cuts and swizzling cameras than Spaced.
The new series actually started in pretty bad taste with images of a plane smashing into the World Trade Center coupled with a news report about the affect of terrorism on already-strangled police resources. This was later shoe-horned into the plot by a comment from Comedy Maverick Detective Number One that far more people are murdered each year in Britain than are victims of terrorism, but still the mundane nature of the ensuing storylines really did nothing to merit the introduction.
Plotwise, there was little to set the series apart from any cop series of the past 10 year – the Beeb can never really be forgiven for axing City Central, their best attempt at creating a cop series. So, to no-one’s surprise, we had some pointless new recruits struggling to settle in, the aforementioned maverick detective using a bowling ball to save Charlie Fairhead, the cheeky, sexist bobby who will no doubt have a heart of gold when not getting his bum out, and the usual local sex offender stalking parks to an unsubtly sinister score.
The cast is full of familiar faces – another rule of Casualty spin-offs. Cal Mcannich, Tim Piggot-Smith, Chloe Howman and Kieran O’Brien are all recognisable, but it’s Zoe Lucker and Kacey Ainsworth who had the star quality for soap fans. Lucker’s actually pretty good out of Tanya Tucker mode, though Ainsworth still seems intent on doing the whole luv-a-duck cockney routine she inflicted on EastEnders. And despite everyone working at the station having a Home Counties accent, we were treated to a shot of the Clifton Suspension Bridge to remind us weren’t in London after all. Though of course that has been renamed Holby Jubilee Bridge – pretty bizarre for such a recognisable landmark.
HolbyBlue should grow out of it’s clichéd roots just as Holby City has, realising that extreme melodrama always beats ‘case of the week’ plots. If there’s one thing the first episode succeeded in doing, it’s making me realise that The Bill – despite it’s recent craziness – is still the most realistic crime drama we have, eschewing gimmicky camera-work to portray real police work.
The new series actually started in pretty bad taste with images of a plane smashing into the World Trade Center coupled with a news report about the affect of terrorism on already-strangled police resources. This was later shoe-horned into the plot by a comment from Comedy Maverick Detective Number One that far more people are murdered each year in Britain than are victims of terrorism, but still the mundane nature of the ensuing storylines really did nothing to merit the introduction.
Plotwise, there was little to set the series apart from any cop series of the past 10 year – the Beeb can never really be forgiven for axing City Central, their best attempt at creating a cop series. So, to no-one’s surprise, we had some pointless new recruits struggling to settle in, the aforementioned maverick detective using a bowling ball to save Charlie Fairhead, the cheeky, sexist bobby who will no doubt have a heart of gold when not getting his bum out, and the usual local sex offender stalking parks to an unsubtly sinister score.
The cast is full of familiar faces – another rule of Casualty spin-offs. Cal Mcannich, Tim Piggot-Smith, Chloe Howman and Kieran O’Brien are all recognisable, but it’s Zoe Lucker and Kacey Ainsworth who had the star quality for soap fans. Lucker’s actually pretty good out of Tanya Tucker mode, though Ainsworth still seems intent on doing the whole luv-a-duck cockney routine she inflicted on EastEnders. And despite everyone working at the station having a Home Counties accent, we were treated to a shot of the Clifton Suspension Bridge to remind us weren’t in London after all. Though of course that has been renamed Holby Jubilee Bridge – pretty bizarre for such a recognisable landmark.
HolbyBlue should grow out of it’s clichéd roots just as Holby City has, realising that extreme melodrama always beats ‘case of the week’ plots. If there’s one thing the first episode succeeded in doing, it’s making me realise that The Bill – despite it’s recent craziness – is still the most realistic crime drama we have, eschewing gimmicky camera-work to portray real police work.
Who Wants a Bank Holiday TV Treat?
When is reality TV not reality TV? In the case of Who Wants to be a Superhero, it’s when you apply the rules of reality TV to a totally unreal subject – such as comic-book heroes. Perhaps one of the most inspired examples of TV inanity, this dose of American buffoonery saved an otherwise mundane bank holiday from total ruination thanks to Sci-Fi’s decision to shoehorn the entire series into three days.
Presided over from afar by Marvel guru Stan Lee, this series challenges everyday people to create a superhero alter-ego and then undertake a host of bizarre tasks to prove they have what it takes to be a Force For Good. A task such as sending the heroes to pick up breakfast was really designed to see whether any would give up their secret identity while being chatted up by comely café-staff, and when asked to nominate which of their rivals should be dumped from the contest, those who nominated themselves were saved as it was a test of self-sacrifice. Both of which are fine traits for superheroes. One challenge which didn’t really make a lot of sense involved the contestants having to hug a chain-gang convict three times without the guard noticing. Now when would that come in handy?
The contestants themselves tread a very fine line between total twisted genius and utter insanity. Cell-phone Girl’s only real gift was her ability to make phone calls, while Fat Momma is simply a chubby matriarch – whose role as a mother prepared her incredibly well for a challenge involving a crying child. The men are equally nutty: The Iron Enforcer walked around with a tin-foil gun on his arm emitting terrifying B.O. while Major Victory’s superpower appears to be an uncanny ability to mimic the hospital radio DJ talents of Neil “Not really a doctor” Fox. As for the bizarrely named Feedback – he has the Sunset Beach trademark quizzical look down to a T and if he doesn’t land a role in a US soap soon, I’ll be very disappointed.
The most exciting moment of the series has to be when The Iron Enforcer was finally chucked off the show, only to be told by Stan: “As a superhero you stink, but you’re perfect as a super-villain”. Thus the Dark Enforcer was born and many cheers resounded from my flat.
The casting is faultless. None of the contestants seem to be taking the proverbial, revelling in the opportunity to do good and potentially become a comic-book star. The fact that no one involved is taking it as a joke gives proceedings a sense of heart-warming humour rather than the nasty stench of bullying that hangs around most British reality TV. Channel Five, make a British version of Who Wants to be a Superhero now!
Presided over from afar by Marvel guru Stan Lee, this series challenges everyday people to create a superhero alter-ego and then undertake a host of bizarre tasks to prove they have what it takes to be a Force For Good. A task such as sending the heroes to pick up breakfast was really designed to see whether any would give up their secret identity while being chatted up by comely café-staff, and when asked to nominate which of their rivals should be dumped from the contest, those who nominated themselves were saved as it was a test of self-sacrifice. Both of which are fine traits for superheroes. One challenge which didn’t really make a lot of sense involved the contestants having to hug a chain-gang convict three times without the guard noticing. Now when would that come in handy?
The contestants themselves tread a very fine line between total twisted genius and utter insanity. Cell-phone Girl’s only real gift was her ability to make phone calls, while Fat Momma is simply a chubby matriarch – whose role as a mother prepared her incredibly well for a challenge involving a crying child. The men are equally nutty: The Iron Enforcer walked around with a tin-foil gun on his arm emitting terrifying B.O. while Major Victory’s superpower appears to be an uncanny ability to mimic the hospital radio DJ talents of Neil “Not really a doctor” Fox. As for the bizarrely named Feedback – he has the Sunset Beach trademark quizzical look down to a T and if he doesn’t land a role in a US soap soon, I’ll be very disappointed.
The most exciting moment of the series has to be when The Iron Enforcer was finally chucked off the show, only to be told by Stan: “As a superhero you stink, but you’re perfect as a super-villain”. Thus the Dark Enforcer was born and many cheers resounded from my flat.
The casting is faultless. None of the contestants seem to be taking the proverbial, revelling in the opportunity to do good and potentially become a comic-book star. The fact that no one involved is taking it as a joke gives proceedings a sense of heart-warming humour rather than the nasty stench of bullying that hangs around most British reality TV. Channel Five, make a British version of Who Wants to be a Superhero now!
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
TV Hero: Carla Leach
Back in the late nineties, when all the soaps were stuck in a gritty realism rut, there was one place to go for non-stop psychos, backstabbing and earthquakes-represented-purely-by-cameras-shaking. And that place was 5.10pm weekdays on Central TV.
Yep, Shortland Street was the sole proponent for melodrama in that bleak era before Home and Away discovered stalkers and Emmerdale was trying to get over its ill-fated dalliance with Redmond. And at the pinnacle of its crazed mentalism was Carla Leach. Being the sister of the clinic's pillar of society Ellen Crozer, it was perhaps inevitable that Carla would be the exact opposite – but not even the demented writing staff could have predicted where the crazy character would go.
From her early days as minor bitch – spiking Ellen’s stroganoff with cannabis to steal her job, faking rape, etc – Carla became public enemy number one when she stole Ellen’s wealthy lover Bernie (though Ellen was only pretending to fancy Bernie as she knew Carla would indeed try to steal him…). Before we knew it, she was pushing her new beau off yatchs, framing him for spousal abuse and battering him to death with a candelabra during the aforementioned earthquake-on-the-cheap.
And who could forget her attempts to poison dull ambo officer Sam with broken glass – well actually I could, as there were quite a few things Central weren’t prepared to show at 5.10pm. Anyway, in the end Carla came up against rival nurse Tiffany a few many times and was dispatched to the loony bin never to be seen again. And Shorters was never quite the same…
…well until the next psycho arrived. See also: Darrell Neilson (Marge’s psycho son), Dr Ian Seymour (Jenny’s psycho cardio-surgeon beau), MacKenzie Choat (Lionel’s pscho psychiatrist fiancé), and many more.
Yep, Shortland Street was the sole proponent for melodrama in that bleak era before Home and Away discovered stalkers and Emmerdale was trying to get over its ill-fated dalliance with Redmond. And at the pinnacle of its crazed mentalism was Carla Leach. Being the sister of the clinic's pillar of society Ellen Crozer, it was perhaps inevitable that Carla would be the exact opposite – but not even the demented writing staff could have predicted where the crazy character would go.
From her early days as minor bitch – spiking Ellen’s stroganoff with cannabis to steal her job, faking rape, etc – Carla became public enemy number one when she stole Ellen’s wealthy lover Bernie (though Ellen was only pretending to fancy Bernie as she knew Carla would indeed try to steal him…). Before we knew it, she was pushing her new beau off yatchs, framing him for spousal abuse and battering him to death with a candelabra during the aforementioned earthquake-on-the-cheap.
And who could forget her attempts to poison dull ambo officer Sam with broken glass – well actually I could, as there were quite a few things Central weren’t prepared to show at 5.10pm. Anyway, in the end Carla came up against rival nurse Tiffany a few many times and was dispatched to the loony bin never to be seen again. And Shorters was never quite the same…
…well until the next psycho arrived. See also: Darrell Neilson (Marge’s psycho son), Dr Ian Seymour (Jenny’s psycho cardio-surgeon beau), MacKenzie Choat (Lionel’s pscho psychiatrist fiancé), and many more.
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