TV Highlight of the Week

When they said the first few episodes of Gladiators experienced some teething problems, they certainly weren't lying...

Who is this man, and has he ever seen the television series Lost?

I only ask as he was one of the talking heads on last night's despicable Lost: The Answers are Here. My TV guide says this affront to intelligent television featured "British celebrity fans quizzing Lost's creators about the desert island drama". Not the first time, this was not entirely accurate.

Not only did producers Damon and Carlton fail to reveal anything about Lost that couldn't be discovered by a sardine using Google, there were no celebrity fans. I watch a hell of a lot of TV, and the only person feature that I would class as being a TV personality is Sarah Cawood - let alone the above buffoon that is OJ Borg. This was one of the worst examples of rubbish-talking-heads-TV of all time - lazy, insulting and utterly pointless. OJ, Cawood and pals were as insightful as an invisible yellow pages. Everyone at Sky should hang their heads in shame at this grotesque programme. Shame on you.

Charlotte is Sawyer's Daughter. Possibly.

So there goes another series of Lost. A rejuvenated Lost, certainly, but perhaps a less satisfactory Lost. And this year's season finale was definitely the fourth best season finale of the four series so far. Series one, we had the promise that something hairy and Scottish would be down the hatch. Series two, the hatch blew up, Locke brilliantly said "I was wrong", and the Others took Jack, Kate and Sawyer to Alcatraz. And series three had Naomi stabbed, Charlie drown, Penny announcing it most certainly wasn't her boat, Rousseau and Alex meeting, Sayid breaking a man's neck with his thighs, rescue at hand and the first-ever flash forward. Can you guess which series finale I think is the best?

Anyway, at the conclusion of series four, we're exactly where we were at the end of series three - Jack wants to go back to the island and we don't know what's happened to those people still there. We needed another teaser other than the much-predicted revelation that Locke would be in that coffin. It didn't come. Not that I want to be spoiled, I'd just have liked some reassurance that the show is worth sticking with for another two years.

So here's what's going to be bothering me (in not entirely a bad way) over the next eight months...

- Jin, Daniel and everyone else out at sea: are they stuck in the middle of the ocean, or were they moved with the island? And where are Rose and Bernard. And Vincent?!?

- Why didn't Juliet want to leave the island? She's been harping on about her sister for ages. She and Sun are the best female characters (not that there's many to choose from) and I want to see her back to her feisty self asap.

- Charlotte born on the island? But pregnant women and island don't mix. My personal insane theory: Charlotte is Sawyer's daughter. Possibly. Don't know how or why, but it could work.

- I love Penny and Desmond so much, but do they have a long-term future in the show? Does Desi need to go back to the island as well as the Six? And where is Claire? Is she in the cabin, flying around time and space somewhere?

- Sun blames two people for Jin's "death" - one's her dad, and the other has to be Jack or possibly Ben. She's not going back to the island with her sprog without a fight, and now she's got into bed with Widmore, I'm looking forward to a roaring rampage of revenge.

- Just what is with the island? I still reckon Jacob is Jack, the cabin is some sort of time machine in which future Jack is trying to tell the islanders what to do. Or something.

Oh, I just don't know. The latest finale was great TV, but the conclusion didn't have the kick I was hoping for. Perhaps because Jack and Locke aren't the characters I like the most, or I was expecting an enormous twist. Instead things were pretty much as expected - the Oceanic Six escaped, the island moved and the freighter blew up. And despite a sense that we haven't really moved as far forward as hoped, I'm more obsessed with the show than ever. Typical.

The lady of the manor from hell

Well it seems someone at Emmerdale has a decent memory as they've finally found the perfect person to play new resident bad girl Anna de Souza. And, brilliantly, it's Emma Davies from long-defunct supersoap Families.

Emma played ginger-minx Juliet Bannerman who excelled at cat-fights with sister-in-law Fiona, loved bullying downtrodden dullard Chelsea, and may have drugged her little brother at one point while forcing another local to become a prostitute. If there's one thing that Emmerdale needs, it's the B&B becoming a brothel and crack den.

Families gave daytime TV a much-needed shot of glamour in the 1990s. While all the other soaps were horribly obsessed with the kitchen sink, Families featured rich bitches, creepy sugar daddies, escort agencies, swapped-at-birth psychos and mighty-fine drunks driving their cars into level crossings. Despite starting life as a serial set in both Australia and Britain (though much of the Aussie bits were filmed at Granada studios anyway), the soap became truly awesome when the Antipodean elements were axed and the wonderfully messed-up Bannerman clan arrived.

Sadly YouTube seems to be rather free of clips of this once-mighty slice of insane country life, though there's an attic in a house somewhere full of dusty videos containing the last block of episodes. And I've a nasty feeling they may get dusted off sooner rather than later. In the meantime, I'm hoping Emma Davies can bring the same dizzying heights of cattiness to Emmerdale as she did to Families. I'm not entirely sure why the producers are bringing in another de Souza - especially with nice, wino Miles having been axed - but no doubt Anna will be married off to a King in no time, becoming the lady of the manor from hell. Hurrah!